What is Emotional and Verbal Abuse
Let me count the ways... I can control you!
Sometimes a need morphs into a greed. A simple and natural need for a good, healthy sense of control transforms into a need to dominate – in other words, hunger for power.
Some see others as chess pieces to be carefully placed to meet their own ends. For these people, the need to control has grown wings and begun napalming all those that populate their lives.
Rather than interrelating with others, they control and manipulate them to meet their own needs exclusively. We all might do this sometimes, but those who do it all the time have a serious problem.
Such people are sometimes referred to as narcissists, sociopaths, and/or 'control freaks'. They see the currency of human relationships as one of control only. This can be bemusing and confounding for the victim of such interactions who doesn't see all interaction as a power play.
So how might this pathological social control be exerted?
A person might exert control through force. The bellowing bully. The bull in a china shop steamroller (to spectacularly mix my metaphors). The frustrated, failed concentration camp commandant applicant.
But some controllers are more subtle. You might not even know you have been controlled until you spot the trend.
Some people bully you so nicely 'for your own good' you can forget that it is bullying. Others may control those around them more artfully through 'emotional blackmail', exercising control by playing the victim:
* "If you leave me [to go out for this one evening with your friends] I don't know what I'll do!"
* "After all I've done for you!"
* "No, you go out [sniff], I'll be fine [sniff], go and enjoy yourself!"
Emotional blackmailers control others quietly and subtly, all the while seeming to have no control.
Such attempts at controlling others often result when our ideas about how things must be are too tight.
Excerpt from Mark Tyrrell's Therapy Tips. The Dark Side of Your Emotional Needs. Issue 366. Ret. https://www.unk.com/blog/the-dark-side-of-your-emotional-needs-part-three/?utm_source=[Sign%2BUp%2BSource%2B-%2BClear%2BThinking]&utm_medium=email&utm_content=newsletter-03102017-EmotionalNeeds3&utm_campaign=Clear%2BThinking%2Bnewsletter